My 19 year marriage is ending- The roller coaster of life changing events over the past 15 months has brought me to an ending that neither of us saw coming . Though we are at a delicate place of peace and understanding - you can't go through this kind of ending without some battle wounds. I could not predict that I would change so much over this past year - and with the change and personal growth came an introspection of myself that surprises me still. Some of those changes have been awesome and a few have been emotionally draining . I think we are always meant to grow , change and evolve as human beings- maybe that process is the easy part. It's the day in/ day out grind, the always needing to meet another person's needs ,wants and desires above your own -being Selfless when you want to be Selfish that can change a heart. Mine changed, what it needs and wants changed and there is the rub my friends- Do you squash that down for your partner or do you decide to let it burst forth and take center stage ? My husband has always let me be center stage, he has loved me endlessly , even when I am unlovable. This is hard. He is one of the best people I know on the planet and I love him for that. For standing by me and taking care of me -- through death, illness , loss of our baby and Kevin's addiction. He is one of my best friends and I am letting him go. He loves me enough to let me go as well. Sometimes, what worked before , stops working . Sometimes, life is bigger than ourselves and takes on a path we are yet to understand. We can either embrace it and go with the flow or fight it and stay stagnant and complacent.
This will be a shock to many, as Bob and I are just starting to share this news outside our most inner circle. We have and continue to be surrounded by so much love and support - Our story is our story- and I can't squish all of the details into one blog. A new journey is just beginning for us both and we have no idea of what to expect around the next curve. It's scary, exciting , heart breaking and at times soul crushing. Our life has always been more than just about us 2, and the " uncoupling" is no exception-- There are friends ,parents, siblings, a son , nieces ,nephews and cousins whose dynamic shifts along with ours as we make this choice. I am just reminded that it's a time , more than ever , to show Grace and Love to each other . I think the place where we are at is best described from this movie quote :